Dear Rayne: The Purpose Of Creation
Bismillaah. All praise is to Allaah Lord and Cherisher of the worlds. I testify that none and nothing has the right to be worshiped except Allah alone and Muhammad is His Final Messenger.
I hope and pray this finds you brimming with happiness and a taste of sun on your tongue. 
If you smell enough pleasant things you will smell the sun on something and thus taste its bliss as well. I found it in a yellow bottle of body wash that’s name started with a C. Lol! I loved that smell so much oh how I would open it’s top just to have a nice whiff. Lol* and then bask in the shower bathing with it. Blush blush.
The importance of family being close knit is always observed as being the tenet for Holidays. Did you notice this? When your family celebrates Christmas, Thanksgiving and the like. It would seem its a family holiday only for families right? I would like to point out God created us to worship Him and do acts that are pleasing to Him. This whole life is nothing but a very long test with many practice exams. Our Final Examination is completed when we die. This is the reason we have so many opportunities and differences presented to us in our lifetimes. Your environment today is due to a series of choices that I made and what your dad made as well as the choices of what he has been choosing to do. Our lifestyles are completely different, even opposite you and I. While I was like you, raised by my father not my mother, my father had the same values I share today and my mother was more like your father. I however did not listen so well to my father and took my desires as a God without realizing it. My father tried very hard to help me May Allah Bless him, and I was stubborn to not take heed. This is what has caused the divide between you and me today. I was homeless living in my car with you in the middle of winter and struggling to make a living. That is the truth and terrible secret I hide. I had family an hour from you but honestly did not believe they would be thrilled to take us in. I was very shy and embarrassed about being so helpless. May God forgive me. I loved you and adored you so much. I was distraught at being so incapable of doing better. I am sorry. I left you with your dad and his family believing that he would finally ‘grow up’ and give you back to me when I returned. I went out and tried to make my small fortune to provide a nice life for us and was inadequate. I stumbled greatly from the cruelty of others. I was robbed and kidnapped and barely escaped with my life. When I finally was able to return to you your dad and his family were none too thrilled, to say the least. I am very shy and easy to hurt thus when I was confronted with name calling and insults I fled. I am sorry. I really am so sorry, God is my witness I am sorry. I felt like I was too weak and alone to stand and fight just to see your sweet and precious face though I regret it so much. I wish I had been stronger and more capable to live near you and be with you throughout your life. It was the will of your family that I leave and the decree of God. I do not blame them you are a treasure and I hope they adore you as I would have. May God bless them. I love you and miss you terribly. The nights of crying myself to sleep over losing you were the worst in my life and though I have hurt nothing hurt nearly as much as losing out on raising you. Today I turn and look and see that the same choices I was faced with then have again appeared in my midst, this time with four children. I digress that I hope to not make the same mistakes and that everyone will turn out well and successful in their meetings with Allaah. It seems what I am blessed in is. Something not appreciated by the world and not valued by others. This is my belief and for it I am mocked, humiliated and tortured. I pray you will succeed with Joy on Judgment Day and not be hurt with the likes of the things I have suffered. I am pleased to be the one oppressed and not the oppressor and I praise my Lord for that mercy. All praise is to Him who has blessed me much over the rest of the Creation. Though I hurt now and am laughed at today, one day I will stand before The Lord and that day there will be no mocking from others. I just hope and pray that I will meet His pleasure and so will my children. I can not stand before the Lord my dear as an intervention for you. You will stand before him yourself, please prepare for that day today and every day.
Allaah the Exalted says,
“So let man see from what he is created! He is created from a water gushing forth. Proceeding from between the backbone and the ribs. Verily, Allaah is Able to bring him back to life! The Day when all the secrets (deeds, prayers, fasting) will be examined (as to their truth). Then he will have no power, nor any helper.”
Quran (86:5-10)
May God guide you and your family to His straight path causing you to meet His Pleasure and protect you all from His displeasure. I have looked for Him and found Him for your sake. I looked hard through all religions and creeds hoping if I found truth with Him, He would return you to me. I found Him and the fact that He had not decreed for me to have ease in returning to a life with you. I still worship Him and hope in Him now for the salvation of my own soul and with the hope He will guide you and save you from His ultimate torment and punishment. I think of you often in my dealings with others hoping if I am merciful with them so will Allah be with you. These are things you cannot see and would never know and they are the truth, Allaah is my witness. I was ignorant enough to marry a man who would not take you as a concern and who not concern too much over my concerns. And in this I also failed you. I am very sorry may God forgive me and bless us with peace and happiness. I know my life has been difficult and with that knowledge I continue to persevere hoping you will be saved from much difficulties and sadness. In Allaah I trust, turn to and repent knowing that I am trusting in the Almighty.
I love you Rayne. May Allaah bless you.
Love,
Mom
